Dear Xanga,

People...especially my husband, really have a way of making me feel like total shit.

By the way, my tongue healed perfectly fine. I love it. I had to put a bigger ball on the bottom though because it kept sucking up into my tongue. Yeah, didn't feel so nice having to work that out every morning when I woke up.

Nose piercing = not happening.

I'm now in my 8th class = Kinesiology and actually tomorrow is my last day and I will be in #9 = Asian Modalities.

So I got a lot of surprise money last month and I tried to spend it wisely. I got a new massage table like a needed and a table warmer, a fitted sheet so I don't have a big over sized one hanging over my table, and an ipod to play music during my sessions plus it saves contacts and appointments, reminders, several neat things useful for massage.

I also splurged a little. In some ways that I regret in others that I'm perfectly happy with. Like I bought me and Jay new bikes and a little bike trailer to haul stuff or the dog in or whatever. Its fun + exercise + back up transportation if ever need be. And I finally got my boots I've been wanting for years. Well kinda. I wanted the pink camo but I ended up falling in love with some other ones. I bought Amanda a pair, but I'm getting paid back by her paying for our hotel room in Orlando for my Massage Convention I'm going to in Orlando during the day with my class then that night we're staying there at the hotel with my husband Jay, her and a new friend of mine named Renee. I also bought Jay and ipod which is where there's some frustrations but what the fuck ever. I'm just going to have to let go and let him do whatever the fuck he wants to do because he's so childish when it comes to making decisions. I just wish he'd listen to me and take the damn thing back that's got software issues, take the money to Best Buy so he can get the accident protection plan like I have since the one I bought at Wal-Mart doesn't cover the same shit. But no. He's got to fight with me over it because he says we don't have the extra $10 it takes to go to Best Buy. Yeah well I don't have the extra $230 to replace the fucking thing if something happens to it either and knowing him, its bound to. Sweat. Dropping it. Squashing it. Something.

But whatever. I guess if something does happens it happens. I just tried to do something nice for him since I've never got him anything for the dozens of special occasions that have passed during our relationship, didn't want to start a big fight over it when it quit working right then scheduled a support phone call from Apple for him who then just made it where it wouldn't set up for a while then did the same crap and then made him want to take it back and exchange it to Wal-Mart which I didn't mention I already had to take my first one back and they fought me 4 days about exchanging it so yeah..now his is having the same issues...I don't trust Wal-Mart.

Okay...had to ramble a little because I'm so fucking stressed right now. I don't have time or the nerves nor the patience for someone to take out their bad attitude on me EVERY DAMN DAY. This wasn't suppose to happen again. :((

Yours,

Heather

My tongue is infected. >.<

I got it pierced Friday night. It didn't even hurt. Since then, everyday its feeling a little worse.

I'm not worried about it though. I'm keeping it clean and following the instructions they gave me. I'm pretty sure its just like when I got my lip pierced. I REALLY though my lip was fucked up. It was digging into the skin around the hole and stuff and OMG it was painful. Same thing is happening in my tongue. It looks indented like its burrowing and its pussing a little out the bottom just like my lip did for about a week then it healed and was fine. I'm still bitter that I don't have my lip ring anymore dammit...I'm gonna have to get it redone, but going through that pain again...UGH.

But yeah...got my tongue pierced. :) I  NEVER thought I'd EVER do that. haha I'm currently swishing mouth wash. He said the more I do that, the quicker it will heal so hell yeah! I was doing it so much my tongue was stained blue. lol

Amanda and I are going to go get our noses pierced together too. :) I also didn't think I'd do that but then I photoshoped a pic of me and it actually looks really good!

I was just trying to change my eyebrow ring from the big gawky rasta colored balls and decided to use the same image i was using for that to test out a nose ring. I like it. :) FWAES!

I just started my second week of Therapeutic Massage. Not too long ago, I was thinking "Man, I'm going to be so sad when this is over."

Now I can't wait!

Dear Xanga,

I just received the most sorriest excuse of an email ever from a certain city council member I was told was the one to email to find out the massage therapy regulations. One line, that basically said "I don't know. Sorry." Damn. I was way more formal writing to them than that reply. Geeze...not even an effort to give me the name of another person to ask?? Lazy ass.

Yeah so that bipolar attack only lasted a millisecond. I think it was from drinking. haha

School is going good. Friday is my final for Massage Theory. This course is going by ridiculously fast. I keep going back and forth about going for the degree after I get my MT license, but I really do want and need to. I think I'm just afraid to. I'm sure it will go by just as fast, if not feel faster because it will be a different teacher and classroom and classmates every 4 weeks. I'm tired of being the person that backs out of doing everything. :/

Times are tough money wise again. Jay keeps managing to get work, even if it is at the last minute to keep our heads above water, but damn this is some hard living. I keep thinking...just got to wait until I'm licensed so I can massage..but the pessimist in me likes to make me think about what if I can't get clients.

Bleh.

I can't wait to move out of this area. I want to get me and Jay both away from all these ridiculous people.Colorado sounds good. Texas as well, but I'd preffer Colorado. I just don't know about Oklahoma. I keep going back and forth about going back there...not to mention that the massage laws there are crazy and I've seen plenty of ignorant women dressed in clothes and make up like they're ready to make a porno calling themselves masseuses doing massage there. Stupid bitches.

Anyways, I should have started studying hours ago.

Yours,

Heather

Having my first bipolar attack since I can't even tell you when and I have no clue why.

It started last night when I got the mania and was up until after 2AM.

Now today, even though all has been pretty good except a few things....I'm in the biggest bitchiest, get the fuck away from me mood. >.<

The Morning After...

Dear Xanga,

Well yesterday was Christmas.

Of course this time of year always beings me back to 2007.

This time in 2007 I had just had my first morning waking up to being in his bed and we went to Burger King to eat breakfast and then he took me back to his place and left me for several hours while he went to "go check in in person at the base". I'm not sure if I still believe that story. I laid in bed thinking omg...what if the two times he did that and the time he left and was gone forever, he really went to Kim's?! Ugh...I don't regret ever being with him but damn do I regret being so fucking naive and didn't have a clue about how to act around him or talk to him or demand my fair share of whatever the hell we had going. I was just glad to have someone, pretty much anyone back then and I felt so lucky to have someone so handsome with a great personality back then. Yeah..all apart of the game. Those were his tools to have me under his thumb.

I need to get over it. That was so long ago. I haven't even talked to him at all in 2 years. I just wish I had the opportunity to ask him why the hell is he coming up as a sex offender now. So many answers I want from him. I'll never get them.

My Christmas this year was good. I got the sweater I wanted. :) I'd been wanting one of those cardigan type sweaters that don't fasten in the front, just kinda hang. Mine is so comfy and warm. Too bad its damn near 80 degrees outside still. I'm pretty much enjoying the weather. We've had the vents shut to our room for weeks just leaving the windows open, letting the cool breeze blow in. Our room smells like straight fresh air now since the windows have been open 24/7 for so long I guess everything has aired out. It just sucks that I'm not going to have my winter this year. No bundling up to go outside and my new sweater and jacket will barely be touched except for maybe in the early mornings (the only time its slightly cold). I was watching the news last night and they said there's no sight of cold weather coming in just some rain that's going to make it humid. Yuck.

I've finished body systems and pathology now. Pathology was interesting. I can't believe how well I actually learned that stuff! Everyone else was finding it hard to remember each disease/disorder separately but I did. :) I even beat Lisa, the class know it all. :P

We got a new student too. His name is Pawel (pronounced like Paul). He's from Poland. He gave us all tree ornaments his children made. They're so cute. I need to remember to swipe mine off grandma's tree before she takes it down. And we're getting more starting this next semester. I'm sure it won't be long before I'm doing massage in the clinic but I'm kind of ready for it. I'm tired of practicing on the same ol' people over and over.

Oh and by the way, I got the job at JC Penny's...Ugh. I quit after like 2 weeks. It was HORRIBLE.

Yours,

Heather